Unknown Speaker 0:02
Hello and welcome to my podcast leaving religion and those Millie behind. Today I have another beautiful guest, Kate Strong and I am excited to share her interview with you. And just a reminder to get signed up for my emails on my website Amanda Loveland calm. I have some new freebies that I'll be launching here soon. And we'll send an email out when those are available. So you will want to be on my mailing list for sure. And then follow me on social media at Amanda J. Loveland. And if you are not haven't already given me a review, please do so and share. As again, these guests, these interviews are so profound, so beautiful, and truly just helpful for all of us and making a change in our in our lives and in this world. So with all of that said, let's dive into the conversation with Cape stone. Good morning.
Unknown Speaker 1:00
Good morning. Today
Unknown Speaker 1:01
I get to sit with Kate strong, and I get to hear your story, because I really don't. We're friends, but I don't know your story. So I'm super excited to sit with you. And just appreciate you showing up. And one of the things that I've always loved about you is your huge heart. I think I've I feel like I'm sitting here racking my brain because I'm like, I feel like we've sat and had a podcast before. And I'm like, No, we haven't. We haven't done this. So it's so bizarre to me. Maybe it's a little deja vu for some odd reason. Like we've been here
Unknown Speaker 1:31
before.
Unknown Speaker 1:31
There's a glitch in the Matrix. That's right. We could talk about that. Yeah. So where do you want to start with your story? I know you said you're very clear on what you want to share. So I'm gonna like
Unknown Speaker 1:42
yeah, thank you. Um, in fact, I was listening to your previous podcast, the one was, and was inspired by just the raw on within tick. Yes. She was just like, This is my experience. And for me to be able to talk about experience without having judgment attached to it is something that I'm still working through. I've was born in a culture that it was. We were the one true, right? This is that and if it's not this, there's a lot of judgment about different ways of doing things and how things look and so my experience, how do we start off? I mean, I think would you grow up in Utah? No, and that's so I was an Alabama accent. So Alabama, Mormon is very different than Utah Mormon. We're in Alabama southeast of mobile, Fairhope, a beautiful beautiful on the bay. Just jubilees you know, fish and crab wha Wash up and we walk in, pick him up and have a Jubilee and shrimp boils and the Gulf Coast beautiful white Sandy, Sandy beaches. Yeah, the Gulf of Mexico warm water. We had a good time and being Mormon in Alabama was unity, a community people that my mom was a single mom and she depended on the Relief Society to pick us up from school or stay with her friend. It was a support system. Yeah. And when you met a Mormon in Utah, where where I grew up where there were like five of us, no one in my whole school maybe two of my sister was there with me. We were peculiar. We were different people want to know if we had you know, do you have any kind of horns or let me feel and you know, how many wives and all of the things and I thought this still so weird because I've never heard of this stuff.
Unknown Speaker 3:40
Yeah. And Alabama. Yeah, there was five people in your home.
Unknown Speaker 3:44
So we were just like loving each other supporting each other community. It was a great experience. It was a there was a lot of support for my mom as a single mom. I can remember missionaries coming over and helping with yard things. It was a lot of service. It was yeah beautiful, beautiful experience it gave
Unknown Speaker 4:04
me thank you for spending time with us. And for listening to stories just wanted to say as always, the stories are beautiful and her story was powerful and I really appreciate it we're eliminating some light to some really challenging topics to talk about. And if you want to find more about Kate's you can visit her own website, my strong world.com or on social media at Kate strong world I do and make sure to go check her out find her follower, check out what events she's got going on. I know she has a lot of events that are happening resonated with her and with her stories so I love and I had my track that down might as always as a gentle reminder that you are not alone spent so much time that these stories on Friday and hopefully remind reminder that wherever you're at in your life, we can get through there some learning and growth through whatever rights you're currently in
Unknown Speaker 4:59
this family That was so much so much time with and you know, we did trips together we did fun things. It was such a beautiful experience. I did often get a lesson at my friend's church the you know, I would friends all over who were everything but Mormon so I want to hang out with my friends. So there's so much of like social part of church, I think for teenagers. And I remember them specifically having lessons about Mormons while I was there, really, was that it was the Baptist Church. Yeah. And I just remember sitting there and thinking, the way they the way they were talking about it would be as if maybe I was watching a Netflix documentary on Kohl's. And okay, just factual things like, but things that I hadn't heard. And then I thought, is this the church I go to like, Oh, what,
Unknown Speaker 5:53
how old are you? They're
Unknown Speaker 5:53
probably like, 1213 ish. And I was baptized. Because my sister, my oldest sister got baptized. So I was of age. I think I was nine. And so we both got baptized on the same day. Cool. Yeah, I'm just, yeah, I had a really beautiful experience. You know, my mom, one thing I love, and she says this, she knew that she could only do so much. And she felt like she brought in the support group in this community to like, be part of something beautiful. So there are so many beautiful memories that I have in Alabama being Mormon, and I went to college. And my second year in college, my sister came and lived with me, and let me tell you, she's a partier. So we had a good time, we had a really good time. And where I want to go today, and this is what I was feeling, you know, I get to share. We were at Auburn University, again, just a fun school, they know how to have a good time. And I had been there for a year, my sister moved out, we had a really good time couldn't decide, you know, am I more into the weed? Or is it the drinking, but I knew that doing both together wasn't the best idea. But that's kind of how the Mormon thing is once you say why I'm sinning. I mean, whatever. It's just like balls to the wall. Here we go, like, what are we doing? I could have a whole podcast on that, right? Just like the pendulum swing of weight. It's not morally wrong, or I'm choosing to do it. But having conversation is really important about let's talk about why we're not drinking alcohol. Okay, there's some really important things here that we need to have a educated conversation about. And yes, you can do it. And you've, you know, I look at some of my friends whose parents drank, and they drank, and they, there was never this pendulum, like just Girls Gone Wild, you know?
Unknown Speaker 8:01
Well, you know, what's interesting about that, since we're on that topic for a minute, because my I grew up Mormon, nobody drink. And then when I left, my kids were somewhat old enough. They were younger, but they were old enough that they had never been around alcohol. So when I started drinking, it was really uncomfortable for them. I remember like, Mom, are you okay to drive like that? It's like, Yeah, dude, I had one glass of wine. And I, you know, it was very uncomfortable, uncomfortable for them. Because the whole stereotype that yeah, it's, you have one drink or one sip of something, and you're just, you know, it's scary, and it's evil. And so it was interesting to have that, like, you know, it's okay. Yes, it's okay. Yeah, I agree with you at the whole conversations. And yeah, yeah. have real conversations around real.
Unknown Speaker 8:47
Exactly. Let's like talk about it. So. So I had a boyfriend in college, and he was Baptist. And I was a, I was a Mormon girl who was having a really good time experimenting with fun things, but sex was the one thing that was like no way cuz that's the worst thing you could ever do. It's the one sin it's the one thing you don't do. So my boyfriend I waited for a really long time. And we were in Atlanta, Georgia. And he was playing in a bowl game. So it was exciting and fun. I was a tiger at not the cheerleader type. But we recruited the football players and that athletes to come in, just show him a good time, right. So just fun times. And we were there for the game. And he and I were making out or whatever, which we did often. And I mean, we had been together for like a year and a half. And so we started having sex, but we both felt well at least I felt so guilty. I thought he did too. And so it was just really fast. It was like no, like no one was like, climaxing Well, anyway, he did but so really fast and then We went to dinner after we were having a conversation and he said, What? Or I think it was something along the lines of what are we doing? And he said, Well, you're Mormon, so I could never marry you. So I took that as like, rejection, just like so right after you have like, wait. And so I said, well, then what are we doing? And we broke up. So fast forward, we're broken up. And I don't know, it's been long enough that I hadn't had my period. So my sister and I are in the car driving and she's asking me, she knows everything, right? And she's like, Well, are you pregnant? And I was like, she goes, could you be cuz I had, of course, never been told her I had sex. And I thought, No way. Like, no, especially with so like, no way. Like, I'm not, there's no way. She's like, well, if you did it, then we got to, you know, so I'm like, okay, so we go get our pregnancy test. And I got home. And when I took it, my knees buckled, and I hit the ground, because I'll tell you what, in that moment, when you get that pregnancy test, it's positive. That is like, that's an Oh, fuck. Oh, right. Like, you're like, My life just stopped in the direction it was going. And everything is different in this moment. And the shame and the like, just all of it like, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? So I was depressed, and I wasn't eating. And I remember specific moments of my sister saying, like, you've got to start, like, you got to just like, get out of this denial and just move forward. So I went to my bishop, and I decided I'm going to put the baby up for an adoption because there was no way I was, for me, the abortion thing was just so I have a friend in high school, who had an abortion and the bishop sat down with me and brought out a manual to find out like what my punishment meant was going to be because I was her friend and loved her in like, drove her there. Oh, really? Yeah, it was a very interesting thing about abortion, my experience of like, what the judgement about that look like? Yeah, I have no, there wasn't a choice. It didn't feel like I didn't feel like had a choice. So yeah, I just felt helpless, you know, like, and my mom at the time was in a interesting space, she was not really available emotionally. So I made up a whole plan. And I was given the baby up for adoption with LDS social services. I was gonna, I was working at the athletic department at Auburn University, and I was a tiger at and so the shame I just didn't want anyone to know. So I was just going to go to to North Carolina and live there and then have a baby and come back to my life. That was my plan. And
Unknown Speaker 13:00
how did your mom yeah,
Unknown Speaker 13:02
I didn't tell her for a long time. Yeah. for a really long time. Such an interesting time of my life, like, so fascinating. In fact, for those of you who are wondering, I, I lost the baby, we were moving to North Carolina, we had about three or four days before we were going to start packing. And I was on the couch in the living room and my water broke. And I remember this sensation of not even knowing that that was an option, that something like that could happen. And I'm like, Ah, this is weird. I don't know what's going on. 22 weeks. Yeah, and I don't remember knowing the gender at that time. But I was 22 weeks along, and my 23 year old sister took me to the hospital. I was 21. And just humiliating. Um, I remember the doctor looking at us and going Where are your parents? Yeah. And and then coming in and saying you've lost the baby and the feeling of gratitude I had in that moment. It was like being saved. There. My mom used to say something she's to say. You know, God will never give you anything that you can't handle. And I don't know that I could handle that. You know, like having known you know, who knows? It's all perfect. But I got a I got a free pass in a way like I got a like a pass Go get out of jail. And, and I, I I just feel like it's so important for us to have conversations with our, with our youth, with our kids about sex and being turned on. And what that feels like can
Unknown Speaker 15:03
that it's normal. Yeah, it's more experience. And, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 15:09
and, and it's, that's what teenagers are doing. And we can turn a blind eye and say, Oh, it's not happening, we're just not gonna, we're not buying condoms, because if we buy condoms, that means that we're supporting it. All of these all this lack of information, where do we think our kids are going to learn about that? So either we teach them or someone else's? And I would say that maybe it's not being taught because they're even adults, who don't even know how to be authentically honest with themselves about their own bodies, or their own experiences, or?
Unknown Speaker 15:51
Well, there's a lot of shame and like you've talked about, I mean, it's, it's close to murder, right? As far as the sins that are considered and for me, I lost my virginity at 17. I mean, I never had a thank goodness, I never got pregnant and didn't have any issues with that, but was very young, and then all the guilt and the shame and then we couldn't stop this is my boyfriend who and you know, and you're supposed to go on a mission and then the guilt and the shame, you know, all the things that come with it. And yet, these are normal emotions and normal feelings to have. And, and yeah, I agree with you. It's not something fact, I've had conversations with my mom, I'm like, we never had these conversations. I don't even remember you talking to me about what my period was? And she's like, Yes, we did. Like, Mom, I swear we didn't my sister has the same memory. She's like, Nah, mom really didn't ever, but it was it's part of the culture. It's part of that generation to, you know, kind of like, it's almost like a I don't I don't know what it is. I mean, it's ingrained deeply in the church, that it's a sin, but then you get married, and now you're supposed to, you know,
Unknown Speaker 16:56
yeah, know how to be comfortable with your body that you've we've been covering up. And we've been just, it's very private. And yeah, I think we're setting people up for failure. And so many ways. I even had this belief, I don't know if this was Mormon or not, but that the man would just know what to do. So like, even with sex, and like, all of it, I was just like, waiting for Him to guide me and kind of, like, lead this thing. And now that I realize as a woman, Oh, wow. You know, like, I get to know I'm, I'm in that it's, it's this beautiful, mutual thing that's so rich and full. And I'm grateful for all of it. Amanda, it's been, you know, you and I were talking before we started recording about just things that we learn and, and it's all perfect. It's all for our, for our purpose in life, I feel like I'm where I am today, and what I'm doing in teaching women how to be turned on how to turn on their life and their light and their radiance. and own that and, you know, be gentle and kind and, and grateful for our bodies and looking at our hands and slowly putting lotion on and saying thank you for all the things and just having gratitude for our bodies, my body. It's, it's been a beautiful journey. It's it's been painful. It's been heart wrenching in ways there have been like, things that I, I, I know, as I share with other people can be one of those opportunities to learn from me and to, you know, it doesn't have to look like this. We can have conversations and we can communicate, and we can say, You know what, when you see that boy, and all the sudden you start feeling something that you've never felt before, and you're like, What is this? And you think it's him, but it's really you? And just learning about how that works. And, and and not shaming it and not saying it's wrong. It's just how it's an instinctual thing that happens when, because when it happens, and you're turned on. There's this feeling of what is going on? Because it's not a conscious decision. It is but it isn't
Unknown Speaker 19:21
natural body. It is yeah. Well in in my experience, I would say 98% of the women that I work with, and some men have been sexually abused at some point in time in their life. And that the thing that's interesting about sexual abuse is especially at a young child, if you're sexually abused, those feelings are turned on at that young age, and there's no conversation or no understanding as far as what to do with that. And I'm just some own personal experience of mine with with family members and things. It's been interesting to navigate that and to actually have conversations around that at a very young age of what do I do with have these feelings and these desires that I'm having when I'm very young and what to do with it and move it through the body instead of suppressing it or shaming it or, or condoning it and saying, Oh, this is fine, I'm gonna go act on it, because you know, there's a little bit of a balance there. But that's something to that. While I'm on this, I had a pre another guest that I haven't released her episode yet, because that's something she's asked me not to do. But she shares about her sexual abuse within the religion. But one of the things that she said was really interesting, as if we were to teach our children, the actual body parts, I have a vagina, I have a penis I have, our children would have more identity for their anatomy instead of my private parts that leaves it really ambiguous, and just that awareness and repels sexual predators, because they know their bodies that much more. And I thought that was really interesting. I'm like, You know what, there's so much truth with that, because we do private parts. Oh, you know, did anybody touch your private parts? It's like, no, your vagina, or your penis, like know your body at a young age. And like, that was really good advice that she shared. And hopefully I get to release her episode soon. But anyway, as we're, since we're talking about this, I think it's a really good. I don't think that a lot of us deal with. Yeah, on some level.
Unknown Speaker 21:18
They had we yeah, there's so many different, you know, the sweep it under the rug, if you will, let's don't talk about that, because people get uncomfortable. You know, what if we could just get curious and ask questions with no judgment coming back to that, that space of no judgment of we're all here. Just curious. We just want to have a conversation about it. And because we talk about it, did you know it's interesting, I was talking to a friend, today, in fact about how just because we have a thought about something doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to act on it. And to be able to have that open dialogue with someone and say, You know what, this has just been a thought it's been something in my head, it's, and to say it, I can oftentimes work myself through things. But there's this experience I that I had with Mormonism specifically, which is Don't ask questions. Don't get curious. Like, Kate, be quiet. You're thinking too much. Just like, don't do that. Just, you know, hold on, listen to the Prophet. I was watching. So I recently had COVID. And again, another very, very beautiful experience to learn I have so much more compassion for anyone who's experienced that and I just my heart fills, fills big for you in love and healing. Because the journey, and I was entertained. I gotta tell you, I don't really watch TV. Except for a solid week of COVID. Yeah, I watched some really good shows. Sex Life amazing. By though I gotta watch that one. And then Emily and Paris. I love Emily. And then I got on lots of documentary things. And in fact, heal is incredible. It helped me heal. But the one I want to talk about is just this. It's so great. It's called explained on Netflix. And there's lots of different things. There's one on skin, and it talks all about our skin. This one was Colts. And it my daughter wanted to watch it. And I was like, okay, yeah, let's watch it. So we watched it. And, you know, just watching this like, perspective of something that's very different, you know, and like, whoa. And so again, coming back to this just curiosity and asking, and there being a space to be able to just ask questions. And what we see is that if there's a cult kind of feel, its don't ask questions, you do it this way. And I have a really interesting mind demand. Like, I can see both sides. Like I can see how I was part of this. Because aren't we drinking some kind of Kool Aid of something? Always, we're always choosing, like, what our flavor is, right? It's nice to be able to feel like we get to choose that though. Right? And that, and that we can outgrow things. And because I'm leaving and I'm outgrowing this it doesn't mean that I my story will the story that was told about me. You know, she just wants to go to Vegas and party and I did and it was fun. But I wasn't blowing up my life in my family to just go to Vegas, right. But it just just interesting perspective. I had my neighbors you talked about community and neighbors and when I decided to take my garments off and walk out of my front door, most of my neighborhood wasn't talking to me anyway because I had chosen to get divorced. And
Unknown Speaker 24:58
if you had moved to Utah Have I moved to
Unknown Speaker 25:01
Utah? Oh, yeah. So in in true Kate fashion after I lost the baby, I just was like, wanted to just feel good. And, and just kind of numb out a little bit, you know, so intense and I didn't have the support or the are the tools to emotionally? What do I do with all of that. So I just kind of put it on the shelf for a little while and had a really fun time for about two years. And then I came to this moment where I just was like, if I'm going to pull it together what I know and what I believe and what I've been taught is I, I get to marry a good Mormon guy. So it's gonna, I gotta, I'm ready. I'm getting old when you're Mormon, and you're 23 you're really old. And everybody wants to know, why not? Yeah, why are you not married? So I thought, Well, I'm gonna go to Utah, because that's the place. They're all there. And my mom has a friend who moved to Utah. She said, if you ever want a place to live, you can come live in my basement. So are we recruited for people to come with me? And we came and moved out to Utah. In fact, I think I'm the only one who's still here but my sister Well, that's where all the Mormon guys would be. No, were aware. Yeah. I came to Orem Orem,
Unknown Speaker 26:28
Utah, Utah County, okay, which is, oh, yeah, Utah County,
Unknown Speaker 26:31
Orem, Utah. I left Auburn. So I got to come and finish one more. Well, they always add more semesters when you transfer schools. So what was going to be a semester ended up being maybe a year and a half. But at that time, I ended up really getting involved in church again, and I was the vice president of the Orem, Utah Institute for the church nationwide, worldwide, worldwide, I guess, right? Institute's worldwide and what an experience because, you know, another perspective inside of Utah and Mormonism because we sat around a business table, and there was an apostle, and there were people in the SEC, you know, church educational system, who are high up, you know, Jack Christianson, apples, the onions and I used to listen to him. I don't know if you did, but he was such a youth conference kind of talk for people in Alabama, they would, you know, play these different. Anyway, he's, but just people that were kind of like idolized, if you will, yeah, in Alabama is you know, big church people, and then to come here and sit around a table. And I'd always heard that you pray. And then that's how this is how people were chosen to be, you know, in different callings, praying and asking about it, and the the discussion and conversation that would go on, about logically, who would work for different positions, was something I'd never seen before it was an inner workings of the church that was, was much more intellectual than prayer and heart. And so to experience that was, was different, but I almost respected it a little bit. In a way of I like, I like this, it makes sense to me that we would also be involved heavily in this decision. And you know, kind of like both. So I was on the Mormon Institute Council and love that and was sleeping at my boyfriend's house said, Oh, sleeping at my boyfriend's house, though. So funny, and then would run and go into that. And then I mayor, I met my husband that I was married to for 11 years and had kids and did that and what an what an experience even being in a Mormon marriage, because I had never seen it model. So I wasn't really sure. So what I was going for was just like, you know, if he if, if I could look at his family and see what the ideal looks like, then, you know, there's a good chance that that's kind of the direction that it goes. And was also in a phase in two years into Utah. I decided if I don't meet someone, before Christmas, I'm just going to go home and stay. And I met him just before Christmas. And so it was kind of this when I was in Utah initially. I remember coming here and thinking all of the women, everyone's beautiful, and everyone has everything going for them and there didn't feel like a lot of specialness. And probably the first time I really had a tangible experience that I can remember and thinking I feel bad about myself. I don't feel pretty enough, or I don't feel enough. Notice in some and I was ready to be picked. So it was like, just pick me pick. You know, I was one at a time I was 24. Turning 25. Yeah. So, yeah, it. It was what I wanted. At the time. It was what I wanted. It's what I thought I wanted. Yeah, that's what I thought I wanted.
Unknown Speaker 30:22
So you didn't leave until after you got divorced.
Unknown Speaker 30:25
After I got divorced, I was on my way out pretty early on. I was unhappy in my marriage after a year, I felt like I was isolated from all my people, mostly. It wasn't appropriate to have male friends and I had a lot of male friends. I worked at a restaurant I just, I hung out with the guys a lot. I really enjoy male energy. And I was I felt really alone, really isolated and alone. And like, I guess this is what this is like. I'm a mom. So rewind, took me a long time to get pregnant with Savannah. Yeah, that was mad at God. I thought, Wait a second. The first time I get Yeah, even start to kind of ish have sex, I get pregnant. And now I'm married. I want to baby I mean times ticking. Remember, by this time, I'm close to 26. And it's time to have babies because that's what you do. Yeah. And I kept miscarrying around the same time, that 20 week mark. And then finally, so as it turns out in Utah, you have to have several miscarriages before there are certain tests or certain things that doctors will do. That's what I was told. And so three times, and then I finally got pregnant, and I took progesterone and that's my body doesn't produce it. So that's why I was losing babies. They don't, my it's called an unfavorable cervix, heart shaped. So I think it's just perfect. But I just needed a little bit of, of help there. So my story with sex and pregnancy and babies and getting pregnant has been tumultuous, at best. And I finally got pregnant with Savannah and had her and loved her and was so happy to be a mom, but felt really alone and alive and isolated. And I started to look at what marriage was looking like. And it felt like it didn't feel like a partnership or like a friendship in the way that I thought it would. It was like, we were playing these roles. And this is kind of like, how you, but we didn't agree to it. Does that make sense? It felt like so there was a lot of just like, turmoil inside of me and feeling like this doesn't feel great. I feel really sad. I'm not loving this like, and even thinking like, what did I sign up for? Did I sign up for this? How much influence do I have? There was a lot of conversation and that the the husband is the head of the household and he's the priesthood holder. And ultimately, he decides, yeah. And I played into that being small role. I was a pleaser. I wanted to plays. I didn't again, I didn't know what this was supposed to look like. And I didn't trust myself because I wasn't in a you know, I wasn't asking myself a lot. I was doing what I was told that's the thing about you know, how the motion Yeah, the that's my experience of, of Mormonism, is there's someone who just tells you what to do. So I'm just, I'm just doing I'm just being a good Mormon wife and doing whatever, whatever they whatever they say. And feeling. Just some, just some conflict in that. Yeah. So I was on a date. Because that's what, that's how you've helped your marriage. Right? You start dating again. But dating and and a date always equal? ended in sex. And so I was hesitant. I didn't, I was like, I don't know if I want to do this. Like, I'm not feeling it. Like I don't really like you right now. I'm willing to go to dinner with you. Because I feel like this could be helpful. But the expectation I just need to, like make it really clear that like, this is not happening. So pretty early on, he started convincing me selling me on why we should have sex. You know, and he's really good at getting what he wants because he will where it's just this. It's kind of like the kid that's like pulling on your shirt like Mom, mom, mom, mom. And then finally you're just like, whatever. Yes, just like stop. Right? Okay. That's that's where we are. So you know, I said, Well, you need to wear a condom. And he was like, No, I Come on, Kate. We hate those. I'm like, we do hate us. We hate condoms, but I am not on birth, birth control and I did not want to get Pregnant. And so then however long, no condom I'll pull out, okay? You promise like you swear? Like you promise me like, look me in the eyes, you promise, I promise, I promise. So we're having sex. And instead of pulling out, he grabs me by my hips and pulled me in and held on to me. And he came in me.
Unknown Speaker 35:22
And that feeling of betrayal. And that moment when like, you'd looked at me and told me, you wouldn't do that, and you just did that. Like, what the fuck just happened? Like what is happening right now. So about four weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. And I hated him, I was pissed. And he said, Good luck trying to leave me now to again, pissed at God pissed, I mean, just sight, like what is going on? I'm pregnant. So I was, I didn't want to be pregnant. And here I am, again. And about 20 weeks comes along, and I knew, you know, that I didn't want her. You know, the work I've had to do around that I can imagine. You know, this moment, as a mom, for those of us you either know, or you don't, it's like you either had COVID or you haven't. But you put your hands on your stomach, you know, and you know, when that there's this, there's this moment when you feel the baby like, you know, like, and I knew that she knew I didn't want her. And I had to make a decision in that moment. And I just decided, you know, what, it is what it is. And I'm going to ship that and she was born colicky, cried for 12 weeks and the energy of it and just all of it is now that I understand energy that I understand that, you know, we are our womb is such a sacred sacred place, sacred place. And, and here I am teaching about womb healing, because my own experience in the womb, and with getting pregnant and that space, but I will say the one thing I know. And there's a beautiful medicine called White Lily that showed me that Sadie chose me. And we chose in this together, and I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful that I now have tools that I understand that life is happening for me, and that the answers are inside of me. And that I don't have to go ask someone else. It's great to get confirmation or validation. But this journey inward to love me to trust me to ask me to ask myself, I wonder maybe I wouldn't be where I am today had I not been Mormon. And I'm grateful for I'm grateful for it. I think I broke out of that glass ceiling though, you know, and got curious and wanted to find out what more is out there for me and how I can continue to go in an asked myself and you know, this we've, you and I share some similar womb. Connection of sharing that in teaching and heartspace in that heart and womb. Connection. In fact, you have a beautiful heart opener retreat coming up. I do I do. Yeah. Special.
Unknown Speaker 38:22
Yes, it is. So you see you had Sadie. How many years later? Did you actually leave?
Unknown Speaker 38:31
Okay, so two more. Two more kids after that. So forgets the fourth floor. That's a third one. We use the condom, but there must have been a hole in it. So again, I was pissed at God that time more than anything. Yeah, I may have thrown up pregnancy tests across the room. I was pissed. But I had a dream about John Edward my fourth. Before I even got pregnant with Jackson. So I was sure of this little boy. And even when I knew I was going to get divorced, I was like, Okay, there's a little guy who's coming. And I'm going to be really intentional about him and bringing him in. And he's just just like a spirit animal or something. He's just like, knows what to do. He's always just know what to do. So cool. So yeah, so I had two more boys. And then when John Edward was two, I was finally like, okay, I can do this. I was ready. I've been in therapy for so many years, been working on me, right? Because the story was Kate, you're the problem. I'm happy. And I don't have a problem with our marriage. So if you're the one that has the problem, you need to figure that out. So yeah, I did. And I think in some ways, maybe I would have stayed I don't know. But there wasn't a lot of space and grace to be able to find out what I wanted. There was a lot of judgment, a lot of turning me into the bishop if you will, and the bishop reading me scriptures to bridle my tongue for saying I'm not in love with you anymore. And being really honest about my feelings there was there was a lot of Be quiet. Don't say that. You don't get to talk like that. bridle your tongue.
Unknown Speaker 40:13
That's not okay.
Unknown Speaker 40:14
Yeah. So I was done after that the bridle your tongue when I was like, Are we serious? I'd started reading a book. In fact, I was curious. Because what I noticed is that, you know, there can kind of be some campaigning that goes on in getting callings. It's not always just the prayer, right? It's maybe like, who's there where you are. And so at, toward the end of my marriage. My husband wanted to be in the bishopric it was kind of the thing to do. Like, these get his friend group was successful with like business. And then after business, it was like, Okay, so like, what's your status? With your church calling? And what do you do in there? And so there was kind of this, like, Hey, we're going to go to the temple, because they're splitting the ward. And these people are going to be there. And you know, I just like to have my face, like, be there. And observing them. Like, this is interesting. Like, I didn't, I had never heard about this. So again, and asking questions, and, and wanted to know, so I went to desert bookstore, and there's a book there called Rough Stone Rolling. Mm hmm. And I started reading that book. And I was so fascinated, and I was saying out loud, reading it out loud. Just saying like, did you know this? Have you heard this? Wait a second, Joseph Smith, 14 year old, what? And his wife but Emma doesn't know. And she's like the housekeeper. I'm like, oh, no, I know what's going on right now. Like, this isn't? Okay. Let's make some rules, the like, work for us. And so just seeing that. Just again, information, having all the information and being able to see it, it's so interesting how it's like, private and secretive, of course, because it's like, what,
Unknown Speaker 42:05
what goes from God's Church to a man?
Unknown Speaker 42:07
Yes. Really? Always. Don't you do believe that? I think all that's the one caveat that it. Yes. If it could stay in the purity of what it is. And not even just religion. There are some other kind of interesting things. You know, I told you, I've been watching some pretty interesting documentaries. There's one on the reds. It's the people that Osho LED. It's, it's a great one. Yeah. But, you know, become it when it shifts from this really pure space to someone and idolized person is put on a pedestal and there's this kind of worshipping or like, they know, it's when it shifts from everything's inside of you to this, you know, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 42:53
Follow the Prophet. Yeah, no matter what, he knows the way. Yeah. So you had the courage to step out. And that was dead,
Unknown Speaker 43:03
it was hard to go through a divorce and to lose my community and my people. Yeah. But I did have a new tribe, and my new tribe is they, I just even still, I'm so grateful. I have some key friends who were just again, in the most beautiful, gentle way, subtly offering a different perspective. You know, who have you noticed this, or, you know, maybe this is something to just behaviors and things that I realized, this isn't this is not normal, or this I've kind of been in this. There were so many scare so many threats of how bad things would be, you know, I heard things like you'll never be able to do it on your own. And if I were him, I would make her life hell about a friend getting divorced, you know, all these like, things of, of knowing that maybe this is how it would look like and I was determined to, in my words, I did not want to screw my kids up. It's my biggest that was my greatest reason for staying. You know, I've weighed out for a really long time. You know, if we are not living together, if we're not married, I have less influence here. You know, and there were some things that were going on that I was just aware of, like, not myself not feeling comfortable. And so it's an interesting thing to get divorced, because I wanted to take away like, somehow, like, you know, I believe that I didn't realize how much I would still have my co parent in my life. Mm hmm. I I thought divorce would be divorced and it would look like my mom's divorce, which is where she didn't talk to my dad anymore. And there was a lot of, in my opinion, unhealthy communication. And I I wanted to create something different So, we got a divorce coach, we had a co parent coach. And there was a lot of coaching. A lot of experts who know how to do things in a, in a space that's best for kids and how to have the best conversate we learned a lot about communication. And people being able to articulate emotions and feelings and how, what does that look like and feel like? And? Yes, so he's still my greatest teacher, you know, and not going anywhere. And I'm grateful for him. In fact, I keep saying get on stage with me, let's start talking. Because he has a story of his own that he gets to retail. And have just continues to be a journey. You know, my, my cute kids yesterday. There, they go to church and had the primary program yesterday. And I find myself I've been back some, you know, since I left, and it seems I've had different feelings around it. When I first went back, I was still I wanted to point out everything that was wrong, I wanted to call bullshit. I needed just like a paddle on the just the bullshit battle is really what I wanted. And I found myself just be like, Oh, my gosh, this is. And then I got asked to do or wanted to, I involved myself in my kids baptisms. That was really important to me, I wanted to be, yeah, be a part of it. And so I, I've done things like that, I think my I was, you know, my rebellious side of me, maybe came off less graceful initially. And I hope that now there's a little bit more space for that. But it still kind of triggers me there are things about it that still like the songs, the programming that the light marching, as you're saying, follow the Prophet, there's like, some interesting things again, and as I was saying, I was watching the F LDS was also on the colt documentary, you know, and that's where we, that's where we Mormons came from. And as I was watching that I actually read a book called The Witness war read. Fascinating. If you haven't read it, it's about the girl who testified against Wanda Warren Jeffs. And ultimately, he was convicted. And you, again, learning, it's just learning it's information, but learning how the F LDS church was Joseph Smith, it was the Mormon church. And technically, if God is always God, and all knowing, then whatever is the beginning, I thought, other than any of the churches are true, it's the LDS church, right? At this moment of like, Wait a second. And
Unknown Speaker 47:48
to watch that, and to read about the history of and knowing like, this is the history of the church that I'm saying I belong to. And if it all falls on the testimony of Joseph Smith, it's just as interesting perspective now to look at it with all the information or more information and say, like, how does that all apply now? Or like, how do I feel about that?
Unknown Speaker 48:10
Yeah. Yeah, super interest. It
Unknown Speaker 48:12
is. Wow, I'm still really curious. There's so much I don't know. I think the church is always changing. The the Mormon church with Joseph Smith is not the same church that there was with Brigham Young, which is not the same church that there is today. It's constantly changing and evolving. And I think it's great. It's what keeps it alive. I don't I don't know that. I mean, I don't know there's flts. They're still alive, do you? In fact, I was they only have 64% of their population since Warren Jeffs went to jail. And in fact, they say it creates a bond. So they're more committed than there they've ever been. Because part of the prophecy was that, you know, there would be, you know, hardships or
Unknown Speaker 48:54
so they send this as part
Unknown Speaker 48:55
of this as part of it. Yeah. Isn't it? It's just fascinating. The stories we can tell ourselves.
Unknown Speaker 49:01
Yeah. What is always the stories we tell and what's good, which Kool Aid we're deciding to drink. But having it be more of a conscious choice? Yeah, that's the kicker. Yeah, definitely. That I think that's awesome. And I think it's beautiful that you're trying to have more grace and how you support your kids, because that's challenging. My kids were Mormon for quite a while until they chose out, but it was yeah, when you go step back in that space, I would, I always remember I just okay, just let me just see with an open mind. That's how I was always I would always go into the space and it is challenging to go How did I use to lead primary hams and I used to leave, I was a chorister in sacrament. And it's like, How did I not hear some of these things that are in the hymns like this is? Nope, no, no, you know, it is fascinating and sad and and it's what they choose into for for however long they're gonna choose into and, and so you want to support them in that and
Unknown Speaker 49:54
yeah, it's about the human right. For me, that's what I I find myself coming back to, you know, we're all we're all programmed. In fact I just wrote in instil, we're expanding a course on, it's called reprogram rewire. It's all about how we've all been programmed and wired. And we can change that. There's just awareness of go, Oh, I'm doing the thing where I'm, you know, and just making these shifts and tweaks, and we can do it. But it's fascinating to even be studying that. And then to see, we're all programmed from the ages of zero to seven is when we take it all in. So it's our culture, it's our parents, it's our, you know, preschool, environment, the environment around where we live. So we're all programmed, and, and what's beautiful is saying, there's a space in life, when you can start to really ask, is this programming working for me? Is this creating more happiness and joy and whatever I want more of in my life? And it's a yes or no. And are, were so powerful? You know, that's the one thing that I am grateful to know now. We're so powerful. And isn't it interesting that when people are in charge, or when people are on a pedestal? If if we realize that it's all within us, and we're so powerful? What happens that crumbles, right? It falls, it's no longer time, every time. So I'm not a big history buff. I don't love history. But that is one thing I love about history repeating itself. There are these patterns. Yeah, sure. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 51:38
I love that. What would be is there anything else that you would love to leave the listeners any words of wisdom with their journey out of religion? Because, you know, it's, it can be tricky and challenging. And you can feel alone?
Unknown Speaker 51:52
Yes, I thank you. This is a great question. Um, it's not as scary as it seems. And it's layered. So it's a practice. And we peel back the layers, and we get a little bit better, and we have more grace doing it. And you're there tribes. I feel so passionately, one thing I love doing is gathering. And I love gathering women and circles and healing space, you know, when we have a place to peel back the layers it gets, it's because it's a safe space. And you'll find your tribe just be be clear on what you want. Make a list, how do you want to feel when you're with these people, this is what manifesting is. And we all can do it, it's, the more clear we are on what we want. We can get it so just I would say ask yourself, that's what Kate strong would say ask yourself, and know that in the beginning, that can be really uncomfortable, because we're not used to asking ourselves and then you question yourself, but whatever comes in that first three seconds, is your Higher Self speaking to you, you talking to you. There's no There's no moment to go to the brain and think and question it. Okay. So in the Ask yourself, and whatever comes in the first three seconds and just start to get to know you, and find out what you love and what feels good. And what turns you on and what lights you up and, and love your body. And it's this beautiful vehicle to give us this experience of pleasure. That's what the body is we are we are our soul. You know, we are our that essence of who we are. But this body is an experiential thing and have fun and joy and pleasure and yeah, and find the gratitude. Yeah, there's, there's always, and I asked myself, How is this happening for me? Instead of to me and that has been a game changer. You know, we take the power back when we say how has this, again, come into curiosity, asking how's this happening for me? Because we have it we think we have it figured out in a way for maybe like what it's gonna be like, but will the surrender to that and just like, how is this happening for me?
Unknown Speaker 54:09
I love that because actually, we're always manifesting. We're just not aware that we're always manifesting unconsciously or consciously as like, wait a minute, how am I creating this right now? Yeah, that's beautiful. Well, how can people find you because you help you do coaching, you do retreats? What's the best way for people to find you if they're wanting to know more about Kate strong?
Unknown Speaker 54:28
Yeah. Thanks for asking. So I run my own social media on Instagram. It's Kate, strong world. I would love for you to connect with me there. I have a website, my strong world calm and it's launching just now as we speak. It is exciting. So you can go on there and again, I have an opportunity there to chat. I I prefer to chat on text. It's just kind of like right here. And so I have have options for that too. And yeah. Oh, great.
Unknown Speaker 55:03
I'll make sure and put all that in the show. Thank
Unknown Speaker 55:04
you. I appreciate it. Yeah. Well, thank
Unknown Speaker 55:07
you for sharing your story and for leaning in and being here and showing up. Appreciate it.
Unknown Speaker 55:12
It feels good to be here. You have a beautiful space. Thank you. And it's nice that you're creating a community for us to be able to talk about our experiences and and what's happened. Isn't it fascinating how we all have our own unique, unique journey. And yet it there is a story to be told.
Unknown Speaker 55:28
Oh, yeah. And there's some everybody can identify with something. That's what's always fun with our stories when we share like, okay, identify here and that was helpful here, you know, really helps with empowering each other. I feel like it does. So yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for spending time with us and for listening to Kate story. As always, the stories are beautiful, and her story was powerful. And I really appreciated her illuminating some light to some really challenging topics to talk about. And if you want to find more about Kate's, you can visit her on her website, my strong world.com or on social media at Kate strong worlds. And make sure to go check her out, find her follower, check out what events she's got going on. I know she has a lot of things that are happening. So if you resonated with her and with her story, you'll want to take a minute to go track her down. And as always, just a gentle reminder that you are not alone. And that these stories are powerful and hopefully reminder that wherever you're at in your life, you can get through this and you've got this and that there's learning and growth and beauty that it will be coming through whatever experience you're currently in and is always sending you so much love
