Unknown Speaker 0:03
Hello, and welcome to my podcast leaving religion and those really behind. I'm your host, Amanda J, Loveland. And I was hoping to have an interview to release today, but I don't know if it is. It's a combination of summer school being out and being a mom and all sorts of things. But the interview that I had planned this week, I had to take my dog to the emergency, the veterinarian emergency place, and was there for six hours. So while I thought about just not releasing a podcast today, this morning, my podcast usually drops today. And this morning, as I've been sitting in my meditation, it felt
Unknown Speaker 0:48
very important to continue to release an episode today. So as I tapped into what got to be spoken to today, it was, it was around this place of deconstruction. And I know a lot of us right now are going through places in our lives, including myself, of moving through a lot of pain, and moving through the pain body. And this comes with those places where we feel like we're in the fire. We are, we're moving through what no longer is true about ourselves. And as those places within us burn, it can feel painful. And when we leave religion, and when we navigate through these places within and you know what you guys, it's not just religion, right? This is, this is truth for anything in life. And I just shared a video today on my social media channels, about going through the refiners fire. And for me, personally, I am going through a refiners fire that I have, I have never been through the likes of. I mean, I've been through a lot of dark nights of the soul, I've been through a lot of really challenging places in my life. But this holy crap this, and I know that so many of you of us are in similar boats. And I was just chatting with a friend of mine, who is this beautiful healer, and psychic and shaman and all sorts of things. And she had mentioned that she's just been in it. And I echoed that I have been to and it was like this response of really, I'm not the only one because I feel like we we hesitate to talk about some of these low places that we're going through, because we feel that we are alone. And the truth is, is we're not and this is why I wanted to do this episode today of whatever is happening right now on the planet. For those of us that are wanting to be all in in our lives, it is requiring us to move through the layers of our ego, have those layers of old constructs of old belief systems of old limiting beliefs, of seeing places within ourselves of where we're holding pieces that are no longer true, to let them burn so that they may be cleared away so that we at the end of the day, we can get to the core of who we are and have always been. And this was I've been reflecting upon my book that I just wrote and published, and just released oh, maybe it's been two weeks now. And the writing process is always fascinating. And when this this book came through a few years ago, and if you've listened to my other podcasts, you will have heard this story. But when I received this download that I got to do a book entitled leaving religion, and those we leave behind, I knew that it was from a place of neutrality, and in a genuine place of no anger, no animosity, no blaming, no finger pointing, and really a book that could assist people and moving through and navigating the waters after religion. And this came through maybe it's been three years now. And when I got this, you know if you've heard my story, you know that I didn't leave with anger. I didn't leave with holy crap this church. You know, I didn't have a lot of anger when I left. But when this download came, it required me to look at those places within of can I really do this? Because when I do dissect and when I do dive into different places within religion, there are places that you can get angry about the patriarchy for me was one of those pieces that as I sat with, can I do this? The deep patriarchy pieces that have been active in my family system and just in the world that I had experienced growing up not just with family, but with church, the church system, there was a lot of anger there that I I had no idea was even active, it was dormant and was hanging out. And so I got to sit in that I got to move through those places of where I was hurt, where I was angry, where I felt not justified, where I felt like I was a victim to this archetype that had been very much alive in my, in my upbringing, and in my youth, and in my DNA and my programming. And, you know, is as you, obviously now we're three years later, so it took me two years until this came back up again, this idea of the book, and it turned into first a podcast, as you know, and or may not know, depending if you've heard my other podcast episodes, and then I got to write the book. And as I wrote this book, and as I'm sharing this part of my story, and just reflecting, this is what we go through, that at the end of the day, we are spirit and form, we are spirit and form and we choose in a different constructs to learn what we got what we get to learn at the time, to go through different types of schools, if you will, to learn more about ourselves. Because one of the deepest truths that I hold and that I am becoming more acutely aware of is every experience in life is reflecting back a piece of you. Because we are all of it.
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And I know sometimes this is a little bit hard to understand. So I'm going to try and break it down a little. If we want to let go of the religion construct for a moment, or even take pieces of it. Eternal life. Great. We believe that we're eternal beings, maybe you believe this, or maybe you don't, it's okay. Either way, just go with me for a minute, if you will. We're eternal beings, we energy we know at the fundamental level never stops, it never dies, it never goes away. Even at the lowest, lowest lowest points of vibration. It's still like when you dissect a cell and you go all the way down, down, down, down, down, it still has movement, even on the subatomic levels, it still has movement, there's always movement. And so energy never dies. And we are energy we are energy and form we are spirit and form. So we know if you do that, what was that movie, I can't remember how many something ounces is it six ounces, something like that, where there was that scientific study that was taken that was done where they took patients that were dying and put them on weighted beds. And every time a patient died, there was the exact it was grams, their exact amount of grams, that left the body that they decreased in weight every time somebody died, then this was to prove that something leaves the body when death happens. So we have science that has backed up that there's something that continues, we know that we continue in form. I know that in my practice and what I do as a shamanic practitioner and with my, my clients, when I get to work with someone, and often a loved one comes into that space, the communications that are able to be had and the healing that gets to be had even though that person has crossed over, I've witnessed firsthand that that doesn't die. And I'm sure many of you have had experiences where you've been able to witness firsthand that even when a person dies, there is still something there, there is still an energy that is intact and there just without a physical form. So as we are, you know, kind of coming to the fact that okay, maybe we're energy and form maybe then is it possible, that we have multiple lifetimes, and multiple times that we choose to incarnate into this world, for learning for growth, because, and I've said this before, as we grow, God grows whatever God is. And as that energy the divine grows, we grow. And there's a mathematical equation, the Fibonacci sequence that actually shows through nature, and through math that we are oddly all connected all one. So I like to think about this of what if all of us humans on this earth were cells in an organism that was much greater than we could quite fathom? So you could think of the organism as the divine as source energy as God. And we are all cells of that. So as one cell moves, it affects another and as another cell moves that affects us and so in that, as if you look at a human body, all of it is one right. It's all one experience, but there We're all having their unique experience in the one. So if we were to try to wrap our heads around that, and try to take that type of viewpoint, then as a single organism in my human body as Amanda,
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if I am wanting on a soul level to understand more and more of what I'm capable of, and more and more of what my God's self can be in human form, what I not continue to choose to have experiences to where I can see more clearly who I am, if I'm willing to look. So for me right now, I'm going through some painful experiences in relationships, where I have had to, I have gotten the opportunity to ask myself, Where am I hiding? Where am I betraying myself? Where am I not both feet in with myself, and the myriad of other things that are continually popping up for me to see because this is what's being reflected to me and my outer world. One of the reasons why I so love NLP, which is neuro linguistic programming, and, and I'm a practitioner, but one of the reasons why I loved bringing that into my practice, is because it is this really fascinating approach to everything in your world is giving you feedback, because our unconscious mind is creating a reality. And so as if there are limiting beliefs that are hanging out in the unconscious mind, let's bring it to the light so that we can see it. So then we can clear it and we can move through that we can remove that layer that no longer serves. So as you all are in this process of either leaving or have left and aren't sure where to go and where to navigate. I applaud you. I want to honor you for the courage that you're having of even asking these questions, you guys asking questions is one of the most beautiful ways to be able to navigate and move through anything. And being open to new possibilities and new ideas, allows for new things to come in, when we become so harsh and so stagnant in any belief. In any opinion, there is no room and it's like the stagnant water, there's no flow. And in our life, we get to have flow, we get to have structure. But we also get to have flow within that container, that structure that we're creating.
Unknown Speaker 12:35
So as I wrote this book, I did so from this place of how can I, with what I know, with what I've learned with what I've gotten to, you know, experience with my clients? How can I offer a tool to all of those that are leaving, that they can have in their hands, that they can use as a tool to be able to move through their own stuff, their own layers, their own barriers. And this book was a beautiful process. And it is a simple book, it is not very long, I was kind of surprised that as I wrote this book ended up being a whopping 152 pages, including my little you know about me kind of pages. It's not a long book, and it's $13. And as one of the things that I wanted to share with you, that I had gone through and and when I when I receive and download to do anything, it takes me a minute to move through my stuff, you know, like I shared with this book, right? I got to move through my step of where am I still holding any of these pieces? And what can I let go of so that I can move through clearly and cleanly. And when I you know I write this book, I send it to the publisher, we go through the whole editing phase, we go through designing the cover, and the cover didn't come through, right the first time. It's like what in the heck is happening. And then we finally got it in the book. Like I had a lot of really interesting hurdles happened with this book that I didn't have have happened with my first one. And with anything in life for me when something pops up that seems to be odd like this. And I get to ask what is wanting to be seen here. And when we first read did a soft launch with my book, The pricing was wrong. It was crazy cheap, it was pretty much my cost. So I wasn't going to make any money off of it. And we couldn't get it to change. My publisher they the they kept calling and trying to work with Amazon and there was just problem after problem so it was like What the crap that we do. And so I really got to sit with this and and what is this that I'm being asked to see? And what I realized is that this book is not Mine, yes, my name is on the front, I wrote it, but I received it, I received it. And then I got to let go of this. So I literally sat and did a process to where I let go of this book, I gave the book back to itself. As a, you know, as an, I don't know, an offering, I guess, if you will, to anyone who is seeking for a light in a place that feels very dark, that I hope that they'll find this book. And I hope that it will bring them some light because it will bring them back to themselves. And I got to also let go of the idea of needing to make money, you know, I spent, this book was written faster than my last one. But it still is a lot of time and energy and commitment to writing this book to writing any book. And could I let go of needing to be compensated for that. And that was a really interesting place to sit within the truth, the truth of the matter was yes. And the reciprocity that hopefully will happen is that it does assist anyone who is reading this and so far, the feedback that I'm getting is that it is offering clarity. And ironically, the editor that I that I used to edit this book is someone I've used before and and she's Mormon. And so I asked her if she was okay with editing this book, and could she do it in a place of neutrality? And she had shared some things with me and essentially said, yes, absolutely, she would love to do this book. And it felt good to move forward with her. And I really appreciated her, you know, when she was done with it, and her feedback that she gave me was, even with her she was, she was going through some internal struggles with her within religion. And my book gave her clarity even within her choosing to stay in religion. And that was really cool to hear and to have feedback, that even in religion, this book offers clarity of how to dissect those places within Because oftentimes, our heads and our hearts like to wrestle with each other, you'll hear that quote, that the longest journey that will ever take us from our heads to our hearts. And there is 100% truth in that. And our hearts really are where truth resides.
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It is where all truth resides. For us. It is that central part of our beingness and and truth when you're looking for an answer, when you're seeking an answer your truth, your knowing will come in calm, it will not feel chaotic, it will not feel confusing, it will be calm. And that is your indicator that that is your higher self. That is your intuition. That is your internal guidance. That's right there. And oftentimes it is quiet. It is subtle. It is not loud and crazy. I mean, sometimes it's loud. But when it comes in loud, it's calm, it's strong. But that for any of you right now that are wrestling with anything, I would invite you to ask what is the place within you that feels calm? Have you already received an answer that felt calm, and then you're wrestling with the logic behind it. Because if that is the case, I encourage you to put down the mental chatter, to get out of the resistance of judgment, of judgment from others judgment of yourself, of the what ifs of the unknown of whatever those places are, that the mental pieces is coming in, and move back to the heart move back to that calm, clarity and trust that. And as I, again, was sitting in my meditation this morning, I wanted to share a part of my book that I didn't know I was going to write. And I was really grateful for my publisher Kara Polson, that I got to work with her in a mentorship a one on one program that she offered for me, that was very powerful. And she was my check in every week of where was I at and, and one of the times I was I was refusing I was I was coming up upon a lot of excuses as to why I wasn't writing. And when it came down to it's because I was hitting a block and I had no idea I was resisting writing about a topic in my book and I had no idea and as we started moving through that it was around sacred sexuality and then underneath that was actually shame. And I especially I mean, I talk about the energetic system I talk about energetic anatomy, I talk about energy in general things that I did not know I would be doing in my book you know leaving religion a guide to find your spiritual center after leaving religion. And in order to find your spiritual center we do get to understand what energy is right because again, we're energy and form. So as I sat down and I we had, you know, I had this beautiful and painful conversation with Kira. and I, we were talking specifically about shame. And as we were talking about shame as she was sharing some experiences that she was having, we were talking about the second chakra. And our second chakra is where it's our sick or sexual center is the seat of our sexuality, but it also holds so much mystery, and mysticism within the second chakra, it's the place right below your belly button. And it's our womb space. For women. It's that that literal creation space, when we create a physical human being in our body, it grows here. For men, this is the seat of your sexuality, it is for women as well. But what lies here is creative creativity. And often what happens is there is this really interesting paradox, that creativity and sexuality get muddled and confused. And so when we're working with someone that we may feel like oh, is this sexual attraction, it's actually this creative energy that wants to be expressed with another and it doesn't mean being intimate. And so we were talking about this and talking about some different experiences that that we had had. And shame that lies underneath it, and how shame actually blocks us and is mainly held here in the second chakra, it blocks us from our God given gifts, our natural, me and you have a birthright of having all these gifts as intuition, your sight, your vision, all sorts of God given rights, every human I, what's the word I'm looking for?
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I'm stumbling over it anyway. Your birthright, your birthright is you have these things that are just part of who you are. And then we have these different aspects that happen throughout our lives, that programs and constructs and DNA that models everything and creates these layers. So shame is one of the lowest vibrations that we can carry and shame will create blocks and resistance with our natural gifts. And so as we were sitting in this conversation, I had all sorts of shame come up that I had no idea was there. And this is what happens in our healing process. It is we release a layer and then another layer gets to be seen. And as we release that layer, then another layer gets to be seen. And it really is this beautiful process that we get to move through and understanding that there. There is part of being human is that we get to be we get to look at our stuff. And the more we do it, the less painful it becomes because we start acquiring more tools. So that even in the pain, we don't have to suffer, we understand and we can have a tool sets and a perspective that allows us to navigate it a little easier than we would have without it without, you know, a lot of times when when we're first in it, we think that we're a victim to it. And why is this happening to me instead of realizing that this is happening for you, and that on some level you asked for this so that you can look at these places within. So all the shame is popping, and it at first pissed me off. And anybody will tell you this and you've probably experienced this one's another layer of something that you feel like you've cleared pops, you get past like what in the actual hell? And then I moved into okay, what in the hell? Why is this coming up? What do I get to look at here? So I went into my treatment room after my call with Kira, and I sat in the emotions and I allowed for the emotions to come up and I allowed my times myself time and space to see and feel what got to be seen and felt here. And as I did this, the amount of emotions that came up literally wrapped my body and my body was shaking, it was trembling, the tears were flowing, and that felt to write in to start writing. So I did and this part got to be but put in my book. So it felt to read this chapter that's not very long. But the chapter is titled unconscious shame. And I would like to read it to you. Like a thief in the night shame takes and does not leave any prisoners. It is quiet, stealthy and makes you feel like you are the one at fault. It rapes, tortures, grieves, mourns breaks your heart loves, weeps is broken. It's those parts of you those pieces of your soul that have left you by the wayside each time you felt shame. These gentle soul pieces are left and forgotten as quiet shame raptures your soul, body, mind and spirit slowly creating more and more distance between you and your divinity. Why? Because we have a choice, because in each moment, we get to choose a pleasure or pain, because in each moment, it's easier to buy into the pain versus the pleasure Your pain is what is taught is okay in this world. It is what is socially acceptable pleasure, success, having everything you want and creating total joy and abundance for yourself causes malice, raptures of desires from others and you become both the victim and the perpetrator. This is only however when ego and greed get in the way, true humility, true Christ like beingness is detached from all things, even success and shame and judgment. My burden is light. Take my yoke upon you yoke dot dot dot. What is this word? What does this yoke mean? When we have risen the Kundalini energy through the car body, we raise the gene and during orgasm there's a white fluid that excretes in the brain, a literal white fluid is excreted from the brain. Is this the yolk? The shadows of each aspect of me from each time I felt shame come back to me now. At first they scare me is they have a wild untamed energy to them and I question if it is okay to welcome them back in. They are the witch, the warrior, the goddess the sexual deviant. The desire is part of me that has a wish to experience all of the world it is desire, desire to have pleasure in this life, which comes in all forms of sexual orgasmic joy, laughter, love, wealth, traveling success, fulfillment and even purpose. The shadow and the light come from the same source energy can never be destroyed. Is it possible that they are in harmony with one another are like the yin yang energy of masculine feminine energies. The sacred union that twin flames, true twin flames have moved through their shadows so that they may fully integrate with one another for completion in a life cycle.
Unknown Speaker 26:43
As the shadow aspects step out in front of me, each one a part of myself that I shamefully set aside, I now choose to step back into each and every one, welcoming them back home. With each aspect coming in, I feel and see each memory along with the gifts of learning and each experience, feeling heartache over the abandonment of my soul, my spirit that is pure and perfect. I have displaced these parts of me for far too long. And now I welcome them back in. By so doing I heal my family line, I heal my Lifetime's of trauma, where women were raped and taken for sexual pleasure instead of honored for the priestesses that they were. I am that priestess back and forth. Now. I forgive these beings these energies that tried to consume something they did not know how to harness. While there's a false sense of power over man with consuming taking and having sexual pleasure. It is misused and abused. This sexual rising with each man is a sacred gift that when used properly unlocks gifts and abilities that we are all seeking. It is true that everything you are looking for resides within you. Use the heart to get to the sacral chakra, open more during sex, connecting the sacred and sexual centers with the heart and ask for more and more openings, more and more softness in the safety of your beloved, asking you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you believe you will receive these things, these gifts and these knowings feel the priestess and priest energy within you. That chapter was probably one of the most profound for me of that entire book. And if you choose to pick up this book, I hope that you will find profound truths within yourself. And this book has been one that as I got to write, there are several places where I invite you there's actually places to write in your book, your copy that you pick up that is is specifically for you so that you can be guided to see those places within you that are asking to be brought to light. And again as we do that we heal parts of us that are begging for us to be seen, that are begging for us to be brought more and more into wholeness of all that we are. If you listen to that episode that I did with Hugh Val, we talked about how the meaning of perfection actually means wholeness. So is our whole journey here on this earth simply to understand or recognize the wholeness of all that we are and have always been which means to acknowledge all parts of us. So wherever you are today, my beautiful friends, I encourage you to ask the hard questions within. If there is pain that you're going through in this life, ask what needs to be what gets to be seen. And to start. If you're not doing it, make sure you have a daily practice of meditation and or prayer to ask those questions each day of show me how this gets to be easier. And as I was so beautifully reminded by a friend of mine easy does not necessarily mean II See in the moment, if we were to do things that were easy for me, I love, I love chocolate covered cinnamon bears. And if I were to get into that every moment, I would not be feeling very healthy, I would feel shitty because sugar makes me feel shitty. But in the moment, it could feel easy. So easy does not necessarily mean that it is easy in the moment, but it's easy in the long run. So I invite you to ask in, in your morning, practice in each moment, show me how things get to be easy. And how can I be both feet in, in all areas of my life, especially in the areas that you're struggling? What needs to happen so that you can be both feet in that you can plant both feet firmly, because oftentimes, our failures aren't in life or because we are not all in.
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So with all of that, I encourage you to go buy my book, I know that it's a beautiful guide that it will help you with wherever you are, even if you've already moved through places and you feel like you're in a good space, this book is still extremely beneficial. And for those that are looking for an even deeper practice, I was shown to do these guided meditations that are a series of four that actually come almost like a mini course that you can purchase on my website for $33. And one of the meditations in particular, I was quite shocked as to what came in when I do meditations. And when I step into that space, I am what I like to call the hollow bone and I just receive what gets to come in and then I speak it. So I was surprised at what got to come in and one of the meditations is towards the end. So if you are in that place where you are ready to shed some massive layers, buy my book and then go get those meditations on my website. I will provide the link below. But I You guys I just want to say even as we're going through some painful places, I'm excited. I'm excited because as we as so many of us are shedding these places these constructs that no longer serve, we get to have a new awareness of what is possible and that that is exciting. That is exciting. With wherever you are at in life with moving through the transitions that you're going through. I am opening up a group mentorship program. That is a six week long program starting July 6, that we will have a weekly calls daily accountability, you'll create a program for yourself as far as getting where you're wanting to go. Anyway there's a lot of really beautiful tools where we get to support each other and be held and I will be co facilitating this with my beautiful friend and business partner Sarah air and we yeah we are starting this July 6, it is 666 for the six weeks and there are a lot of amazing freebies that you will get with this program. This space is limited on this as I don't want a huge group. And for you my listeners if you are feeling called to do this, I will gift you a free signed copy of my book. So if you're feeling the poll to come to this if it is a soul Yes, reach out to me through my social media pages if you want more information or to secure your spot, or you can email me and I will put my email down in the show notes below. But wherever you are, as always know that you're not alone. I see you. I feel you. We've got this and you my amazing friend have done so many beautiful things. I hope you can honor and recognize all that you are sending you all so much love
